James Bond’s Right Arm is Busted. He will have to learn to shoot left-handed, or he slings a rifle everywhere he goes.

I am so proud to have accomplished what I have only managed like twice in the last 8 years. Watch a movie on the weekend of its release. Why is that? Once kids come into the picture, catching a movie in its year of release becomes a challenge.

(Spoiler alert) Yes, who can resist James Bond (seen above using deft hand to sort out his crocked right). The girls all want to watch him. The guys got no choice but to go along (hence unable to resist as well), and engage in the extremely twisted exercise of being party to their girl swoon over another man for two and a half hours. Oh what to do. I retaliate by acting positively disposed to the is-he-gay-or-is-he-not-but-he’s-got-no-teeth-so-he-mustn’t-be bad guy played by the actor par excellence Javier Bardem (seen in picture violating the ramrod straight James Bond with deft hand).

Thinking again, it’s funny. Why did I think first of Bardem when there are the Bond girls?

Awkward silence.

Ah the stunning Bond girls (seen here strategically concealing their right arms so they could appear on this blog), of course. Berenice Lim-Marlohe’s looks are as mixed as her name. When her name first came up, I first thought Singapore, and then the better senses kicked in (System 2 thinking in behavioral science parlance), and so let’s be more accurate. It’s the name of a person of Chinese descent originating from Southeast Asia, where names are not pronounced in Mandarin but in the dialect group to which the person belongs. Which is how my name (pronounced Zhang) metamorphosed into Teo of the Henghua dialect. Turns out she is French and 33. It may sound like she’s a bit mature in age to be a Bond girl, but with Daniel Craig (only 44) trying to looking 60 in this movie, 33 certainly sounds more politically-correct than 22.

Speaking of political correctness, how about that, no white Bond girls this time. Those looking for Caucasian beauty would need to plonk Judi Dench (seen here using deft hand for facial hair removal while the other hand awaits to pass the pen to it) in a time machine and crank back about 130 years. (This demographic is strangely reminiscent of the recent presidential elections…creepy.) And even then she will be taking a break the next movie. Then the same people will have to imagine Ralph Fiennes in drag (I recall he has done it before, just can’t place the movie). Though with Bond movies, miraculous resurrections are a dime a dozen, why should we be surprised.

I can imagine Ralph Fiennes’s character being really pissed though if Judi Dench does return.

A Post About This Post

This post is so so late. Too late to catch the weekend viewership.  That essentially means only half of you will get to read this than if I posted this on Friday night. In Singapore where I normally live, the weekend would have been almost over, and this would be getting the depressingly low Monday viewership.  It’s a fact—my stats tell me that people don’t read blogs on Mondays. I suppose there are much better things to do on a Monday, like go to work or school, read the newspaper, or wallow in your Monday blues like Garfield does, instead of reading something silly that only concerns a small minority of humankind. By the way, this was the first mention of Garfield in my life since those shockingly depressing movies he made some years ago. Has his arteries finally clogged on him? Or did Odie finally decide to become a real canine and mauled a feline?

But you know in Massachusetts where I now live, this wouldn’t be that late—it’s the Columbus Day weekend! So there are two more days of weekend left after I post this.  It’s my first long weekend post! Let’s see how it works out.

If you get the feeling that I am obsessing about my readership, I certain am not. (By the way, please share this blog with your left-handed friends).  Though sometimes I do feel like a movie executive wondering when to release the latest Scott Baio (I was trying to think of an actor that people used to know and no one else can remember and I saw him in a Nickelodeon sitcom last night and was surprised he is still in showbiz…this mention of him will absolutely not help to spike readership) movie that no one wants to watch. (Oh and by the way, please share this blog with your right-handed friends too. This equals to sharing with all your friends. And don’t forget your family, you love them too). And most importantly, I don’t watch Nickelodeon, Baby was messing about with the TV channels.

And why was I late? Apart from the fact that I am spending the weekend in the White Mountains of New Hampshire for the long weekendImage, I was conned by my professor into reading pages and pages of mind-numbing stuff, which I spent the last night doing.  At this point, I can only hope that my resultant knowledge of the fact that the Portuguese helped to transport tons and tons of spices to Europe from Southeast Asia in the 15th and 16th centuries will come to good use at some point. Wait, or was it the 14th and 15th century?  Wait some more, why couldn’t the Europeans just eat with salt and vinegar? Sure goes great with potato chips

I read the post I have written thus far and realise that this has become a Seinfeld post (Alert! Seinfeld performs at Wang Theater on 17 Nov! Woo hoo!).  I honestly did have a topic in mind, but if I carried on, I would take too long blogging, and you would take too long reading, and so I thought I’d move on to hopefully less mind-numbing reading and to see some stunning fall foliage, and you might want to continue to wallow in your Monday blues or to carry on with your long weekend blast, depending on which part of the world you live in. Till next time then. Because the one who doth mess around with the TV channels riseth…